How To Heal After A Breakup — 30 Lessons After 30: Lesson Two

“Lighting strikes inside my chest to keep me up at night” is the first line of John Mayers “Heartbreak Warfare.” This track began to play as I was cooking dinner for myself several nights ago.

I’m sure if you are a romantic at heart like myself, then you understand how difficult break-ups can be. It feels weird calling it that. The truth is recovering from a relationship where you were wholly invested in another human being can be difficult.

One minute, you can feel like a tank flying down a mountain. The next moment, you are free-falling. It feels like an endless plummet.

A week ago! This is where I found myself. I was holding onto the ashes of a relationship. The relationship had already begun to crumble for such a long time.

I’ll spare you the details. My night began with joy. It ended with me in tears. I was crying with the most gripping pain I’d felt in a long time.

There is nothing I would like more than to erase the last 6 months with her out of my mind. What’s the saying? “out of mind, out of sight.” No idea who came up with that!? But it doesn’t work!

It was like that one scene in the Friends TV show. Chandler sits in front of the windows while it’s raining.

I found myself wrestling with so many emotions. And if you’ve read my How to Date With Neurodiversity post? You understand how intense emotions can feel after a break-up.

But in the midst of this chaotic emotional love-roller coaster, it hasn’t been all bad. In the midst of my pain, I was reminded about my identity and value.

So, how can you get over heart break? It’s a great question! In this article, I want to share the top three things. I have actively been doing these to help me process. They help me heal and grow.

How To Get Over Heartbreak?

Take a quick stroll down Google-lane. You’ll find many articles or blog posts offering some sorts of obscure secret to success. They claim to help you overcome a breakup.

Very few will give Neurodivergent-friendly solutions. So here are my top three coping strategies to help you get out of your funk.

Before that! There is one thing you need to know. You-are-loved! Right now, it probably feels like you aren’t worth loving. You think all your efforts were for naught. Still, that isn’t true.

Proverbs 4:23 says this; “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Whether you believe in Jesus or not. What’s important for you to realize is that guarding your heart in any dating process is important.

My faith teaches me the importance of resting my heart in Jesus is where I am protected in all things. Especially when if I think a woman is marriage material. Love is strong and yet delicate and the same goes for hearts.

Be slow to commit early. Take the time to see their true character. Decide if they are like-minded and align with your values and spirit. Be sure to ask friends or family whether they bring out the best in you and vice versus.

Now, onto the strategies! (To the bad mobile!!!!)

Coping Strategies

1. Journaling

Don’t own a journal? Now is the perfect time to buy your first one. Neurodivergent mind can hold and process huge amounts of information.

Keeping all those thoughts or emotions bottled up can lead to intense emotional episodes or, worse, manifest in other ways. I like to journal once a night or every other night. This helps if there are thoughts causing my anxiety or lack of peace.

Writing down your thoughts is healthy, allowing for processing emotions, improving self-awareness, reducing stress, developing resilience, and becoming more productive.

Each morning, I start my routine with a period of prayer. After this, I write my thoughts in my journal. Doing so enabled me to process the thoughts and emotions I have swirling around inside my mind and discard.

I spent a large majority of my young adult year bottling emotions. So, with some encourage from my mother. Journaling allows me to process, grow and learn from what and why behind my thoughts.

2. Walks in nature

This is my go-to! A single day can be make or break for me if I haven’t been for a regular walk. It’s okay to skip a day or two, but if I haven’t journaled or been on a walk? I start to feel my emotions take over.

Go for a walk at least once a day. Regular walks give good exercise. They improve mood and confidence. They enhance balance, coordination, and social skills. Walks also aid sensory integration, cognitive ability, emotional regulation, and quality of life.

Simple repetitive activities like walking, Pilates or cardio are great! Not only has it improved my health, but the activity itself stimulates my mind-working. Like journaling but practically.

Getting a steady flow of oxygen into your mind is calming. Observing the sights and sounds of nature soothes me. This environment enables me to grasp all I struggled with before.

3. Talking To A Friend

The level of thanks I have for the friends God has surrounded me with doesn’t quite cut it! In the last week both family and friends have rallied around to love, encourage, uplift, console and support me.

I said to my friend Damien; “Sometimes it takes a difficult moment to see what you have been blessed with.” — During your breakup, without a doubt the focus is going to be on you and the pain.

Whatever you do, don’t walk around in the streets of your mind alone. This is a dangerous place, and you need someone who can objectively affirm, sympathize, encourage and uplift you.

It takes courage to be open and clearly find out what your struggle is. The next step is reaching out and verbalizing your struggle with someone who can understand your experience.

I said to my friend Damien; “Sometimes it takes a difficult moment to see what you have been blessed with.” — During your breakup, without a doubt the focus is going to be on you and the pain.

Whatever you do, don’t walk around in the streets of your mind alone. This is a dangerous place and you need someone who can objectively affirm, sympathize encourage and uplift you.

It takes courage to be open and clearly find out what your struggle is. The next step is reaching out and verbalizing your struggle with someone who can understand your experience.

5. Songs To Break Up To

Okay! Before you say it, no! I am not referring to finding the most depressing playlist EVER and drowning in sorrow and self-pity. In fact, I would discourage you not to do that.

I would encourage you to find music that soothes your Spirit, soul, mind and body. For me, that just happens to be Lo-Fi music. I wrote a post about this last year, “Is Lo-Fi Good for ADHD?“

Different styles of Lo-Fi music promote an increase of dopamine. If any situation or relationship becomes too much for me to handle? I look for a moment to listen to lo-fi music and unwind from the stress of emotional weight.

This isn’t avoidance, but actively putting a problem down and take a moment to think, process and actively let go. If you feel like lo-fi music doesn’t work for you? Search for another calming genre of music you feel would be helpful.

There are times when it doesn’t work for me either. When that happens, my next best solution is turning to Christian praise and worship music.

This genre of music can help improve mental focus and alleviate anxiety. Gaining control over your thought life is important as a Neurodivergent.

Listening to soothing music like lo-fi promotes positive thinking about yourself and can improve self-confidence. Giving you the best opportunity to push back negativity.

Below is a special playlist I have put together for anyone dealing with a broken heart.

One-Step At A Time

My hope for you is you have more peace. Healing from a broken heart doesn’t last forever. You gain more by investing in yourself. This is through talking to a counsellor or a friend. It also involves journaling, going for a walk, or listening to soothing music.

Fear doesn’t have to rule you. You can heal, learn and continue to grow in your journey of finding true love. Keep moving ahead. Believe that there is a plan for your life. Know that someone is out there to go through it with you.

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“No matter what you are facing at this moment in time, you can do all things! Stay safe, and God speed!”