FOMO? Or JOMO? — The Fear of missing Out! vs The Joy Of Missing Out!
30 Lessons After 30—Lesson One
I am thirty-seven years old! At the time of writing this article, I never imagined my life would turn out the way it has.
I began brainstorming ideas for this series. Memories from my youth started to become clearer. Moments from my adult life also became clearer. One of the most prominent realizations? The dreaded FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
What Is FOMO?
Simply put, FOMO is the anxiety that others are doing something exciting, interesting, or important that you’re missing out on. It manifests as the fear of not being where you think you should be.
It involves comparing yourself to others. It also includes the belief that you’re not “good enough.” It can take a toll—emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
Screeech! That was my record scratch…ahem!
Okay! Before we dive into this little slice of heaven! WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL MESSAGE!
On a Sunday date night with my girlfriend, I mentioned my article series “30 Lessons After 30.” It discusses my experiences with FOMO.
Suddenly, during my long rant, she threw out the question, “why is the fear of missing out bad?” Why not call it “The Joy of Missing Out”. You can imagine my surprise when I heard this extremely alien thought.
I was stumped!—For the next few hours, she took time to explain her perspective. She believes there is some good in recognizing that change needs to happen. Without acknowledging something is missing, how do we grow? How can we change?
My mind began to reel. Within a matter of moments, she helped me to re-frame the entire point of this blog post. She also helped to open my mind.
So…here we are!
The Dangers of FOMO
Given that this is lesson one, I feel it’s fitting to start here.
FOMO tends to rear its head during emotionally charged moments—at work, in relationships (don’t get me started on that one!), during bursts of creativity, but mostly when scrolling through social media.
Social media is the ultimate amplifier of the “What if?” effect. Think Marvel’s What If?, but instead of superheroes and aliens, it’s your career, your love life, your sense of achievement, your growth.
Whenever I experience FOMO, it stings. I start out feeling like I’m missing out. Then I end up spiralling into self-doubt. I wonder if I’m falling short or simply not good enough.
Don’t Be Fooled By Socials
Yes, I’ve been there! That moment when you realize you’ve spent over a week stressing about something that’s untrue or unnecessary. Time and energy wasted.
Success is such a tricky thing to define. What is it, really? How do we achieve it? And does it last forever?
When you look at a hundred successful individuals, a pattern starts to emerge: they’re all different. Each person has their own unique traits—face, eyes, hair, voice, smile, or laugh. And that’s perfectly fine.
You and I are both uniquely made, just as it says in Psalm 139:14. So, let’s get this straight: success doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s success. It’s yours to define.
If you woke up today, brushed your teeth, took a shower, and ate something? Then, congratulations! That’s a successful start to your day. Not everyone has the luxury of a simple morning routine. And yet, here you are. That’s success!
What Is JOMO? – How To Embrace It
JOMO – Brings life into focus. It offers an opportunity to take a closer look. You can review and discern the necessary next steps in a situation or in life.
My girlfriend told me; No one can tell you what to feel. (Something family have told me too!) No one can show you what you are missing out on. The danger FOMO presents is, that there is no choice.
When in reality there is! We are people can decide whether we are missing out on something or not. Yes! There are things in life we can do even while we are waiting.
If you are worried about missing out on something, first stop! And wrestle with why the post, photo or status update has triggered you? Often times, that is due to feeling left out or like you aren’t doing good enough. That is a lie!
While it’s real, “fear” is an emotion and 9 times out of 10 doesn’t come to pass. Self comparison can lead to feeling unsure, anxiety, frustration or lack. All of which are best friends with fear.
I don’t know about you? But this well and truly had me stumped. This conversation had begun, due to me confessing that I struggled with feeling left out of things! But changing my perspective made me feel much lighter. It helped me with a topic I struggle with from time to time.
Differences Between FOMO versus JOMO
I continued to listen to my girlfriend on the other side of our FaceTime call (while I secretly admired her). Honestly, everything she said made sense. Why had the focus been on lack? And who put it there?
I had spent so long focusing on when I feel like, I am missing out on things. It hadn’t occurred to me once, that there is something deeper to look at here! And while I can’t snap my finger to instantly change everything.
Being presented with this unique observation allows me to balance moving whilst also waiting. So, what are the key differences between FOMO and JOMO?
FOMO. – Emphasis, a focus on lack. And often led by emotional roller coasters with no positive end solution in sight.
JOMO. – It’s about finding joy in everyday life. We accept where we are, embrace the good, and take small steps ahead.
How To Overcome FOMO?
If this were a video game, I would give you the ultimate cheat code!!! (insert disembodied echo). Sadly, life isn’t a game.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t good coping strategies for overcoming “Fear of Missing Out.” Here is my top five:
- Less Time On Socials. – This is my personal favourite! Screen time can be a real problem. Especially if your job requires you to be consistently looking into bright lights behind a PC screen.
- Connect with a friend or mentor. – Set aside time each week or month to meet for coffee. Fear of missing out isn’t uncommon, they will share in your feeling or perspective.
- Find a community. – Whatever you do, or whoever you are. No one is meant to do things on their own. Although it’s easier said than done, truly entering into community with other individuals like you gives you support. It also lets you tap into learned experience.
- Celebrate wins. – “People who win celebrate others” is misleading. Treat others how you want to be treated. Life isn’t just about transactions, but being kind to someone else can bring unexpected rewards. Celebrate the achievements of your colleagues and different lifestyles. Supporting someone else’s passion can also bring you joy!
The Lesson
Relax! I know, easier said than done. But seriously, take a moment to breathe.
Stop wasting your time comparing your unique life and creative journey to someone else’s. Why? Because your circumstances—your birth, upbringing, talents—are completely different from theirs. Comparing yourself to others is pointless.
True success is relative, and it’s cultivated over time. Just as you grow, so do your talents, career, business, and passions. This applies to every part of your life.
You have time. It’s okay. Some of my biggest successes happened well after my twenties, and even toward the end of my thirties. As I approach 38, I realize that whatever stage you’re at, you’re right where you need to be. Don’t rush the journey.
Keep learning, keep growing, keep creating—and never give up!
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“No matter what you are facing at this moment in time, you can do all things! Stay safe, and God speed!”